35 Lessons I've Learned in My First Year as a Published Author
A rapid-fire list of my hottest takes
I turned 35 this month, and as with any birthday, I like to reflect on the experiences I’ve had in the past year and how I’d like to spend my next trip around the sun.
This is easier said than done because my wedding anniversary and birthday are a month apart. I’m usually so exhausted from all the summer travel I’m doing to celebrate (see: my visit to Scotland) that I just want to become one with my couch afterward.
But this year is a big one because I’m now officially a published author! Making your art available for public consumption is an emotional rollercoaster, a rush of both joy and terror in equal measure. Thank you so much for taking this ride with me.
So what have I learned since releasing my debut? And what words of wisdom would I share with aspiring authors?
In no specific order, here is my list!
35 Lessons Learned on the Path to Publication
Life doesn’t end at 25. The teenage Alyssa who wanted to get a book published by 25 would consider me a failure for completing this goal a decade late. Frankly, she had no freaking clue. In those ten years, I have built a lucrative career, met and married the right partner, nurtured deep friendships, and made the most amazing memories. And I’m just getting started! How utterly sad would it have been to achieve everything I wanted before my brain even finished developing.
There’s no deadline to pursuing your passions. Seriously, screw all those “30 Under 30” lists and society’s obsession with youth. Life may be short, but it’s also the longest thing we do. The experiences I’ve had and the people I’ve met have made me a better writer. I’m so glad I took my time until I had something to say.
“Self-insert” isn’t a four-letter word. You’re going to put pieces of yourself into every book—some bigger than others. Your likes and dislikes, how you speak, and so many tiny details that only those closest to you will know. This isn’t something to be ashamed of. People say “self-insert” like it’s a curse word, perhaps because Mary Sue discourse is sexist as hell. But I refuse to feel bad for writing about what I know most intimately.
Former journalists are fearless. You can have any career background and excel as a novelist, but I’m so grateful for what journalism taught me. I never felt the need to use a pen name because I learned in early adulthood to never write anything down that I wouldn’t say to someone’s face. After over a decade of print reporting, online blogging, and content marketing, I continue to abide by that rule. After all, our integrity is the only thing we have.
Build your village. Just because I self-publish doesn’t mean I’m going at it alone. I wouldn’t be empowered to publish my books if it weren’t for my superb editor, talented critique partners, and kickass brother/cover designer. Every writing friend I’ve made and consultant I’ve hired makes it possible for me to tell the best stories I can, so if something’s not working, go find someone who can help!
That said, art isn’t created by committee. It’s inevitable that you will get conflicting feedback—from publishing pros and readers alike. The romances in my books have been called both slow burns and instalove, so art truly is subjective. It’s vital that you have a vision for your work and have convictions on what you will and won’t compromise when it comes to the stories you tell.
Have a fucking point-of-view. Excuse my profanity, but nothing grinds my gears more than when someone is so afraid of making the slightest offense that all their opinions are watered down to the point of nonexistence. As a writer, you need to stand for something—without adding a bunch of caveats like bubble wrap. In fact, I’d argue that taking a contrarian POV is even more effective. You’ll be way more memorable if you zig when everybody else is zagging.
You aren’t going to be everybody’s cup of tea. And this is a good thing. During my trip to Scotland, I overheard another American who was surprised that people in the U.K. put milk in their tea. As someone who has been a longtime fan of a good Earl Grey, the lightbulb went off in my brain: Don’t bother trying to be everybody’s cup of tea when most people don’t know how to drink it properly in the first place.
10% of creators built the entire internet. Research shows that 90% of people are lurkers online, meaning they only observe and never post. Be proud you’re one of the brave few who has decided to overcome your fear of judgment and put your work out there in the world.
Place a time limit on your pity parties. Eventually, you will receive critical feedback from people you trust and respect, and it will hurt. I have been rejected by hundreds of agents and received editorial letters that made me question my abilities as a writer. I completed a 6-month revise-and-resubmit only to be told no for a soul-crushing second time. In those moments, I tell myself I can throw a pity party—but only for one day. Cry your eyes out, demolish that pint of ice cream, but tomorrow, you get back on that horse and you move forward.
Get a group chat. I hate toxic positivity as much as the next person, but the virtual town square that is social media is not the venue for your complaints. Nobody is rooting for a downer, so for the love of all that’s holy, do not publicize your pity party. Authors farther ahead in their journeys will think you lack perspective, and those who aren’t as far along as you will envy your champagne problems. Get a group chat going with writers at similar stages and air your grievances to them instead.
Spite is a powerful motivator. When faced with criticism by people you don’t trust or respect, don’t get sad. Get fired up. Every time I’m told that my female characters are unlikeable, I’m motivated to write an even bigger bitch in the next book.
Ideas are cheap. Follow-through is expensive. Here’s a bit of napkin math for you: there are 2.9 million users in the r/writing subreddit, but only 56,000 in r/PubTips, which is focused on traditional publishing, and 144,000 in r/selfpublish for indie authors. That means that only 7% of writers on Reddit have real publishing ambitions, and I’d guess way fewer than that actually publish. My point is that everyone wants to write a book—and when you’re an author, it can feel like everyone is indeed writing one—but you need way more than a good idea to turn your dream into a reality.
Your reading will be more intentional, but no less overwhelming. If you do your job right as an author, you’ll quickly find yourself spending thousands of hours reading, whether for market research or swapping favors. By the end of this month, I’ll have read 75 books, and at least 40 of them are by friends of mine, people I’ve met personally, or bestselling authors in my genre. 2024 will be the first year I read into the triple-digits, and it’s all because of the network I’m building. It feels like I’m drowning because my TBR is neverending, but supporting your fellow authors is 100% worth it.
The vast majority of people don’t read much. When you write romance, you feel like everybody is reading hundreds of books per year. But the reality is bleak: 46% of Americans in a recent survey read zero books in 2023, and 5% read just one. When half of adults haven’t cracked open a book since college, your real competition isn’t other authors—it’s everything else that demands people’s attention spans. I don’t besmirch mega-popular authors because if they can spark someone’s love for reading, that’s more potential fans for you in the future.
Support comes in many forms. Odds are, that half of adults who don’t read will include your closest friends and family. If they wrote a book, you’d read it in a heartbeat, so it can feel like a snub when they don’t show you the same enthusiasm. But try not to take it too personally when your loved ones don’t react the way you imagined. They can still be your cheerleader and brag about you to everyone they meet.
Someone somewhere is proud of you. You may not believe it, but it doesn’t matter how few copies you sell or how low your Amazon ranking is. Just the fact that you accomplished a major goal is something worth celebrating. When I announced that I quit my day job to take a creative sabbatical, I was surprised by how many people reached out to say I inspired them. I may never become an NYT bestseller, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t made a difference.
Writing is an art, but publishing is a business. I immediately leveled up the moment I started treating my craft with gravitas. Nobody else will take your books seriously until you do, so it’s time to take “aspiring” out of your bio and overcome your imposter syndrome. If you want to achieve success, you need to have the mindset of an entrepreneur—not a hobbyist.
You are a brand whether you like it or not. Figure out what you stand for and make conscious decisions about how personal and political you want to be on your platform. People want to support creatives who align with their values, so don’t be afraid to make yours explicitly clear. That’s how readers will rally around you and become your biggest fans.
Media training goes a long way. I used to run PR and communications teams, so call me biased, but understanding how to put your best foot forward can keep you from putting it right in your mouth. Study celebrity scandals, review press statements, and analyze the effects of cancel culture. Even if you don’t have a PR background, you can avoid amateur mistakes and learn how to respond effectively when disaster strikes.
Stay out of reader spaces. When I was a book blogger, I once lamented that one of my favorite sci-fi authors was phoning it in after 10+ books in a series and didn’t seem to adhere to an outline anymore. They must have set a Google alert on their name to find my tiny blog because they commented that I had no idea what I was talking about. This was over a decade ago, and I’ve never read their books since. Avoiding reader spaces will keep you out of most troubles you could experience as an author. You’re allowed to read your reviews, but it’s in poor taste to subtweet them or get snarky in your Instagram stories. Readers are watching, so it doesn’t benefit you to make a situation worse. When in doubt, shut your trap. That’s what your group chat is for, anyway!
However, have a backbone in your own spaces. Something strange happens to public figures: the bigger they are, the less humanity they have. But that doesn't mean you have to tolerate being tagged in negative reviews or endure harassment. Mute and block with a vengeance. If you’re firm about your boundaries, people can’t be surprised when you enforce them.
Industry pros are business partners, not authority figures. At the start of my querying journey, I viewed agents and editors as shadowy gatekeepers that I desperately needed to impress if I had any chance of achieving my literary dreams. But after connecting with them, I realized that publishing professionals are just people. They’re overworked and underpaid, like everyone else. I’ll continue to seek representation, but now it’s because I want a business partner—not because I need someone’s approval to be seen as a “real” author.
Readers are just people too. Curbing your approval-seeking behavior also applies to your readers. Publishing is a brutal industry for writers with people-pleasing tendencies who are bottomless pits for external validation (hi, I’m the problem, it’s me), so while it’s worth learning how to write to market, know that you won’t win over everyone in that market. Respect and appreciate readers for all the unpaid labor and support they provide, but don’t put anyone’s opinion on a pedestal—good or bad. At the end of the day, you must love your own work regardless of what anyone else thinks.
Cringe is in the eye of the beholder. Romance authors, particularly, get accused of being cringe for a whole host of reasons: slapstick humor, pop culture references, sex scenes, and dirty talk—the list goes on. But secondhand embarrassment comes from judgment and shame, so the less you care about what other people think, the more your unique voice will shine. One person’s cringe is another’s camp, so lean into being your badass, weird self.
Sex work is also in the eye of the beholder. Let me be clear during Banned Books Week: I am not insulted by people who think romance novels are porn because I don’t think it’s an insult to create porn. If conservatives and kink shamers get their way, all explicit content would be made illegal, so our enemies are the same. It’s totally fine to prefer writing closed-door or chaste romance, but if you aren’t going to defend a person’s right to consume smut of all kinds, you aren’t an ally in the author community.
Pay it forward. Being an author means participating in a community, and despite what reality shows have taught us, we are here to make friends. We all go further when we band together, so share your knowledge, swap favors, and lift your peers up however you can. Plus, these connections will pay dividends, as you never know when you’ll need a helping hand from them down the road.
But avoid the bless-your-heart writer like the plague. If you spend enough time in writing communities, you can easily spot them: the delusional newb who doesn’t read or do market research but is adamant that their 250,000-word, poorly written monstrosity is destined for a seven-figure auction and movie adaptation. This person lacks humility and common sense and will eventually get scammed out of thousands of dollars by a vanity press. Rather than waste your time on this type of writer, surround yourself with those who raise the bar and push you to improve.
Stop falling for engagement bait. Rage is a powerful emotion, but if you see a bad-faith take that spikes your blood pressure, you’re better off if you don’t take the bait. I don’t want to spend my one precious life arguing with the plebs online. Romance requires a happily ever after, all cover designs are valid, and don’t yuck somebody’s yum. Now let’s please move on!
Writers are magpies. Every job you’ve had, trip you’ve taken, and conversation you’ve eavesdropped on is a potential shiny object to collect for your next book. Live your life to the fullest, and always be on the lookout.
Your Notes app is your best friend. I have virtual notes for everything from tracking my reading and word count to brainstorming my books’ marketing plans. But one of my favorites is a note I titled, “So Sexy It Hurts.” It’s a long-running list of tropes, celebrity eye candy, and media moments that I find hot as hell (pro tip: YouTube playlists are perfect for collecting scenes from movies & TV, too). All those things you can’t get enough of? WRITE THEM DOWN.
Deliver on the promise of the premise. A Beauty and the Beast retelling needs an abduction; it’s not a rom-com if it doesn’t make you laugh; and if your love interest is a monster with multiple genitalia, it better use all of them. Readers want their expectations met, so you best believe my rock-climbing romance involves a creative use of ropes 😈
Nothing is guaranteed—do it anyway. I may spend my whole author career in obscurity, never publishing a breakout hit. And that has nothing to do with my talent or worth as a writer. Luck and timing play a huge role in making the big leagues, and so much is out of our control. I keep writing—not for the fame and fortune that may never come—but because it’s what makes me the happiest in the world. That’s what real winning looks like.
Have a plan, but hold it lightly. I learned this motto from my editor, and it reminds me to roll with the punches. Life is guaranteed to throw you curveballs, so be open to going in a different direction than you might have envisioned. You’ll probably be pleasantly surprised with where it takes you.
You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. I included these words from my therapist in the dedication of Love on the Rocks because they remind me to trust myself. Every step I took led to where I am today. Be grateful for your unique journey, and remember—the only way you fail is if you give up trying.
Here’s to a Life’s Worth of Lessons
It’s only been four months since publishing my debut novel, so I’m still a baby author. But this year has been so transformative, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.
I’m always excited to learn from others, so if you’ve made it this far—thank you from the bottom of my heart. The only birthday gift I’m requesting from you, dearest reader, is to drop me a comment! Which lesson resonated with you the most, and what else have you learned in life? I want to hear your words of wisdom!
XOXO
Alyssa
Yessss to all 35!! Thanks for sharing this—and happy birthday!
Looooove this. You’re so insightful and super accomplished for 35. I’m so in awe of you! ☺️