Most Writers Don't Read Smut
And 3 other things I learned at the NorCal Writers' Retreat
I’m back from spending a whirlwind five days at the Northern California Writers’ Retreat (NCWR), co-founded by Heather Lazare and hosted by Hidden Valley Music Seminars in the breathtakingly beautiful Carmel Valley.
And forgive me for the clickbaity headline, but when I was tallying everything I learned at the retreat, I’d be lying if I said smut wasn’t top of mind.
So let’s talk about what smut has to do with attending this retreat and what other valuable lessons I gained from this experience.
My Top 4 Takeaways From the NorCal Writers’ Retreat
1. Most writers don’t read smut
I should preface this statement by saying I adore reading smut. I use the term tongue-in-cheek but with 100% respect. I personally think everyone would benefit from dabbling in the erotic arts, but I’m not offended if it’s not for you. To each their own, after all!
But I spend so much time reading, writing, and breathing romance that it’s not until I talk to other writers that I’m reminded I am in the minority. Out of the retreat’s 18 attendees, I’m pretty sure I was the only one who writes genre romance—especially of the spicy variety.
That means I had many entertaining conversations talking about the romance trends I take for granted: hockey reverse harems, stalker dubcon, and minotaur milking. And if you don’t know what those terms mean, happy Googling 😈
What surprised me most, however, was how even basic definitions, like the differences between heat levels, aren't well-known outside Romancelandia. So let me be your teacher…
The modern romance community typically references Romance.io for steam ratings:
And in case you’re wondering, my books are explicit open-door—which is worth noting now that the traditional publishing industry is becoming more supportive of spicy content.
Publishers are re-releasing self-published erotic romance from Kindle Unlimited at lightning speed—and they wouldn’t do so if these books weren’t winning over readers and becoming major money-makers.
Sex sells, and I, for one, am here to enlist everyone I can to the smut revolution!
If you’re looking to crank up the heat, I recommend the following authors: Tessa Bailey, Sierra Simone, Sara Cate, Eve Dangerfield, and Lilith Vincent.
Once you’ve acclimated to contemporary smut, you can get even freakier with paranormal, monster, sci-fi, or sentient object classics by Heather Guerre, Katee Robert, Ruby Dixon, C.M. Nascosta, and Vera Valentine.
And if you’ve got absolutely filthy recommendations, send them my way!
2. Knowledge is power
I’ll admit I didn’t actually get much writing done at this writing retreat. Don’t get me wrong—it was so nice to set all my client work aside and prioritize editing my second novel so I can prepare to publish it in the fall.
But even more valuable than the free time was the access we had to publishing industry expertise. We were joined by two established literary agents and our author-in-residence, Zakiya Dalila Harris, whose bestselling debut, The Other Black Girl, was recently adapted by Hulu.
Our Q&As covered everything from querying agents and going on submission to acquisitions and the editorial process. We dug deep into book auctions, marketing budgets, and even collaborating with Hollywood bigwigs.
And even though the conversations were primarily focused on traditional publishing, I’m glad I was able to share my experiences as an indie author with a vision of building a hybrid career. Any praise on my workshop submission paled in comparison to compliments that I knew a ton about publishing.
I work really hard to learn all there is to know about the book world, and that includes attending events like these to rub shoulders with folks with proven track records and tangible, real-life experience. That way, I can soak up that knowledge like a sponge and share it with you all and anyone I meet.
Being a good literary citizen means making what you know accessible and transparent to everyone. So if you have any questions or topics you want me to discuss in future posts, don’t hesitate to ask!
3. Surround yourself with people who raise the bar
But as much as I pride myself on my publishing knowledge, it doesn’t benefit me to be the smartest person in the room. What sets NCWR apart is that you have to apply to be considered, and it’s very selective. After I was waitlisted last year, I’m so glad I reapplied a second time because this retreat is worth the wait.
I knew when I read my writing group’s workshop samples that everyone’s craft was high-caliber. Many attendees had agents and book deals, MFAs and accolades. I, on the other hand, don’t have any of those. I’m certainly no poet or literary genius, but what I hope to bring to the table is commercial-as-hell pacing that propels you forward and snappy satire that makes you literally laugh out loud.
It was so rewarding to bounce ideas off my fellow writers and hear how I could improve my writing. We all have our strengths (for instance, interiority is not one of mine), so I appreciated their constructive suggestions. You don’t know what you don’t know, and there’s nothing better than getting feedback from people you respect and admire.
4. Professional envy is inevitable, so plan for it
The double-edged sword of being surrounded by heavy hitters is that, if you’re not careful, jealousy will knock the breath out of you. I’m self-aware enough to know I’m innately competitive, with major Type A / Virgo / Enneagram 1 energy.
That means I’m extremely susceptible to professional envy. Success stories can be inspiring, but they can also leave you feeling inadequate and demoralized. Some authors get the red carpet rolled out for them with bidding wars and seven-figure deals, while most languish in the slush pile. That’s just a fact of life.
But after I throw myself a pity party and have a little cry, I accept the reality that publishing is, first and foremost, a business—one with an ever-increasing supply and demand issue as the industry contracts and consolidates.
Therefore, commercial success has way more to do with market forces and luck. Many of the writers who strike gold are outrageously talented and deserve every ounce of their fame and fortune, but more importantly, they have the exact right story at the exact right time. And good for them!
The stars rarely align like that, but the slim chance is what keeps us going. And even if I never win the literary lottery, I can’t imagine a life without writing because it’s what makes me happiest in the world.
During the retreat, I reminded myself that everyone has some kind of privilege, so we might as well use it to our advantage. I’ve never worked for a literary agency or publishing house, but I do have a decade-long career in tech content marketing—and have benefitted from the lucrative salaries and stock options that came with it.
That means not only am I not afraid to self-publish, but I also have the financial means and the marketing skills necessary to be good at it.
I’m oddly comforted by the fact that for every NYT-bestselling author I’m envious of, there’s a writer out there who’s envious of me for having four books already drafted, a flexible schedule, no children to take care of, or decent Canva graphics.
I beat myself up all the time for not having a larger social media following, but when another retreat attendee said they loved my Instagram and could see all the work I’ve been doing to curate my personal brand, it made my entire day.
So my advice would be to be grateful for everything you have and do your best to stack the deck in your favor by building your network and making connections with people who can fill your gaps and be your champions.
When I find myself feeling jealous of someone I’ve never even met, instead of wishing them ill, I jump into their DMs and offer my friendship and support.
Nobody—and I truly mean nobody—is self-made, so increase your chances of success by reaching out to those farther up the ladder and politely asking them to give you a hand. Then, extend your hand to others who could use your help so the ladder becomes a little easier to climb for every single one of us.
Patience and Persistence Are Key
At the end of the day, we have to keep our eyes on our own paper, as difficult as the task may seem. Everyone’s path to publication is different. All of us are riding the struggle bus in some way, and that’s okay. Even the select few who become breakout hits are not immune to professional and personal challenges.
The final words of wisdom shared by our experts were patience and persistence. The only way we fail is when we give up trying. As someone who’s prepared to build a long-term career in publishing, I take that to heart. Because if there’s anything I have going for me, it’s sheer tenacity.
I want to thank everyone who made the NorCal Writers’ Retreat possible: Heather, Dauphiene, Zakiya, Stephanie, Jill, the entire staff, and my amazing fellow attendees. I’m honored to join this impressive list of alumni, and I can’t wait to cheer them on!
If you’d like to apply to attend NCWR, sign up for its newsletter to stay informed of future sessions. It’ll be one of the best decisions you’ll make!
Now it’s time for this month’s moment of sunshine.
Your Moment of Sunshine ☀️
Every month, I share the things I loved most to bring a ray of warmth wherever you are.
Reading 📖
The Other Black Girl by Zakiya Dalila Harris
When it comes to reading fiction, it’s rare that I break out of my romance bubble. That’s why I’m so glad Zakiya Dalila Harris attended our retreat. Her debut, The Other Black Girl, would likely not have been on my radar otherwise.
Zakiya’s agent, Stephanie Delman, at Trellis Literary, pitched this book as “Get Out meets Younger,” and those are spot-on comparisons. In this thriller, you know something’s off with Nessa’s new colleague Hazel, but you don’t know how deep the rabbit hole goes.
I enjoyed how this story blends social and racial commentary with speculative elements while also satirizing the publishing industry with a sharp wit. And it was so fun to see how the TV adaptation, also written and produced by Zakiya, takes this universe to new heights. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a season 2!
Watching 🍿
Castle on Hulu
For the same reason I don’t read a lot of thrillers, I don’t watch many crime shows. I’m too much of a scaredy cat. But right now, my husband and I are rewatching Castle, and it’s low-stakes enough to keep my anxiety at bay. It’s got a great cast, plenty of witty banter, and a comforting, goofy nostalgia.
Not to mention, I can’t resist a will-they-won’t-they current of sexual tension. It’s a shame that the stars didn’t get along in real life (and that’s an understatement), because the feud ultimately led to the show’s abrupt ending.
And it may be blasphemous to say since Nathan Fillion’s character is so charming, but on the basis of pure eye candy, I’m kinda bummed Seamus Dever wasn’t the leading man. Detective Kevin Ryan can get it!
Listening 🎧
In Search of the Antidote by Fletcher
Sometimes you discover an artist, love all their songs, and then they fall off your streaming algorithm and become out-of-sight, out-of-mind. That’s what happened to me with Fletcher, and I’m so happy she’s resurfaced with her new album, In Search of the Antidote, which released last month.
She perfectly encapsulates the emotional rollercoaster of romantic relationships and the utter heartache of breakups. I’ve especially got “Maybe I Am,” “Ego Talking,” “Two Things Can Be True,” and “Pretending” on repeat.
What should I be reading, watching, and listening next? Share your recommendations in the comments!
And stay tuned because later this month I’ll be interviewing another diehard romance fan, Bri Castellini from Forced Proximity. Bri is a total delight, so you’re in for a treat!
I am impressed that you were able to identify 35 distinct things that you have learned in your first year as a published writer. My first book was published in 2019 and number four was published this month. At this point the only thing I have learned is that I am really happy to write for myself and have someone else imagine there is an audience for it.
I'm definitely one of your new writer friends who doesn't read (much) smut, but I absolutely enjoyed your pre-smut pages and your writing. I learned so much from you!