The Joy and Terror of Being Seen

And how book marketing can actually be therapeutic

Photo by Cristina Gottardi on Unsplash

I’m way overdue on a writing reflection, but what better time than when I’m staring down the barrel of a book launch? With my debut novel Love Apptually releasing in fewer than 60 days, I’ve had a lot of time to process how I feel about becoming a published author.

And the one phrase I kept reiterating in my mind is the title of this post: the joy and terror of being seen.

So let’s have an honest, heartfelt conversation about both the excitement and anxiety around making your art available for public consumption.

Whether you’re a veteran at unleashing your work into the world or you’re unsure if you want to monetize your hobbies, I’m hoping this reflection resonates with you.

So let’s start with the good.

The Joy of Finding Your Audience

Advance reader copies (ARCs) of Love Apptually were made available three weeks ago through my social media and NetGalley, so if you’re an ARC reader who recently subscribed to this newsletter, welcome! I’m so grateful for your support.

For an unknown author like myself to have nearly 200 people (so far) request to read my debut before launch is huge! And while not all of those people will read or enjoy my book (more on that later), I do not take this for granted.

There’s been a lot of discourse on Threads in the past week about ARCs, but I prefer to stay humble. Here’s how I’d sum up my thoughts on sending ARCs:

• ARCs are a good-faith exchange, not a contractual obligation. ARC readers are providing unpaid labor, and because of that, they don’t owe authors anything. We’d all like higher feedback rates, but that’s a desire, not a demand.

• Authors shouldn’t try to game the system. Being pushy or putting guardrails on how someone can review a product violates anti-manipulation policies, and it’s a great way to burn bridges with both readers and retailers alike.

• Believe in the best of people taking a chance on you. Are there scammers pirating every ebook they can get their hands on? Sure, but they’re a tiny minority compared to all the reviewers out there waiting to discover their next favorite read.

• It’s the only time I want to be paid in exposure. Offering free books in exchange for honest reviews isn’t taking a hit on potential sales—it’s giving you the opportunity to generate sales at all.

I’ve been in marketing for 12 years now, and word-of-mouth is the most effective, by far. When enough people recommend what you’re offering, true magic happens.

Finding and growing your audience is a joy because it means others are appreciating your work. They’re picking up what you’re putting down. Making a living from writing is an aspiration for most authors, but connecting with readers is what makes the hustle worth it.

Suffice it to say, the fact that total strangers have expressed how much they like my work is absolutely thrilling, and I anticipate I’ll be chasing that feeling until the day I die.

The Terror of Other People’s Opinions

The double-edged sword of external validation, of course, is that you become dependent on praise, which throws you into an existential crisis when you don’t receive it.

Recently, author Jaclyn Desforges caught my attention with her thread about being perceived.

Source: Jaclyn Desforges. You can find her work on her website.

This mirrors what we’re often taught in the world of PR: all press is good press. And while I wouldn’t go so far as to say this mantra is true in every instance—since there are scandals that are too destructive to come back from—most creative professionals would benefit from dissenting opinions.

Think about it: Bad reviews make the good ones seem more legitimate. After all, nothing says “bought and paid for” like a perfect score.

And have you ever read 1-star reviews of your favorite books? I find it hilarious proof that “good art” is truly subjective.

I unapologetically love Wuthering Heights, but this review never fails to make me laugh. (Source: Goodreads)

And now I’m speaking from firsthand experience: I received my first 1-star review within a week of sending ARCs, and I hold a lot of gratitude for that reader. My book isn’t going to be everybody’s cup of tea, but I’m one review closer to finding the readers who want my specific brand of English Breakfast.

Putting your work into the world is scary. Most writers never publish because they’re too afraid to be vulnerable. And even a good chunk of authors hide behind their pen names because they don’t want their friends, family, or colleagues to judge them.

But with a healthy mindset and a whole lot of self-compassion, other people’s opinions don’t have to seem so terrifying. As the great and powerful Taylor Swift once put it, the real enemy isn’t criticism—it’s apathy.

“I forgot that you existed / It isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference.”

Whether you love or hate Love Apptually, I’m appreciative all the same. Thanks for giving my book a chance and sharing your thoughts, positive or negative. I know authors are not supposed to read our reviews, and maybe one day I won’t feel compelled to nervously refresh Goodreads…

Source: Tenor

When Book Marketing Actually Makes You Feel Better

So what do I do when other people’s opinions have got me feeling down?

I know I’m the odd one out, but I genuinely enjoy marketing my book. I’m not the most skilled at editing aesthetics or Reels, but I love jumping onto social trends and maximizing every dollar I invest into Canva with fun graphics.

Promotion can be a slog, especially when we’re at the whims of unknowable algorithms and unpredictable engagement. But why spend any time on the social media rollercoaster if you aren’t going to at least enjoy the ride?

There’s something shamelessly self-indulgent about sharing your own excerpts or talking about your characters as if they’re real people. But no act of marketing has made me cherish my book more than building its playlist.

On the surface, book playlists seem really silly. The songs you pick are going to be ones everyone has already heard of, or nobody has heard of. And it’s not like readers are going to press play while they’re face-deep in their Kindles.

But they can be a therapeutic way to celebrate the story you typed out with your own two hands. No one is going to care as much about your book as you will, so why not throw yourself a party and put on your favorite tunes?

I had a blast reflecting on each chapter I wrote and which songs would best express my characters' emotions from start to finish. Some songs I mention explicitly in the book, and others fit the themes perfectly.

And I have yet to see anyone else include The Lonely Island in their playlist, so I call that a win :)

If you’d like to jam out and get a behind-the-scenes peek into my book’s quirky personality, here’s the playlist for Love Apptually.

Do you fear putting your work out there? Share your thoughts on being seen in the comments, and keep scrolling for your moment of sunshine.

Your Moment of Sunshine ☀️

Every month, I share the things I loved most to bring a ray of warmth wherever you are.

Reading 📖

What’s Luck Got to Do With It by Kel Bruem

Hands down, my favorite part of being an author is making new friends in the writing community. One of those friends I’ve had the privilege of meeting is Kel Bruem, author of monster rom-coms I didn’t know I needed.

What’s Luck Got to Do With It, the first in her Unusualities series, follows a leprechaun and a merman as they fall in love while navigating their secret identities. It’s an adorable, hilarious story about belonging and living as your authentic self.

If you love found families, fairy magic, and extra special 🍆🍆 👀 then you have to add this to your TBR!

Watching 🍿

BrainDead from CBS, now available on Amazon Prime Video

Part of me is kicking myself for not watching BrainDead when it premiered in 2016, but I likely wouldn’t have been able to stomach a political satire so close to that particular election.

Now I can fully appreciate this show’s razor-sharp humor. When parasitic alien insects start eating the brains of politicians, it’s up to Laurel, a Democratic staffer and senator’s sister, to save D.C. from a complete infestation.

I never thought I’d be rooting for a romance across the aisle, but Laurel’s relationship with Republican staffer Gareth (played by the talented and outrageously attractive Aaron Tveit) is absolutely swoony. Escapist fantasy, of course, but oh-so-delightful!

Moving 💪

Image source: Radically Fit

Radically Fit

It’s taken me until now to accept a deep-seated truth: I am highly unlikely to take exercising seriously if I don’t have anyone to hold me accountable.

But after a back injury sent me to the ER last year, I begrudgingly decided to push fitness up higher on my priority list. If my body was stronger, it would be less likely to fall apart while lifting something as lightweight as my cat.

This led me to Radically Fit, a community gym rooted in fat liberation and joyful movement for queer, trans, Black, and brown folks and their allies. Its motto, “Fit is not a body type,” resonated with me, as someone who has felt uncomfortable in and intimidated by traditional gym environments.

Training with founder Luca Yacón for the past few months has been a rewarding experience. With their patient approach and constructive feedback, I’m weightlifting and reaching new personal records every session. Radically Fit also offers virtual 1-on-1 training and group classes, so you can join in wherever you are!

Alright, that’s it for this month. Share what you’ve been reading, watching, and doing in the comments, and don’t forget to subscribe for future author updates, writing reflections, and romance rants & raves!