My 6-Month Check-In: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
In early February, I announced that I was resigning from my job so I could take the year off, focus on my health, and put my energy into my passions.
I’m the first to admit how fortunate and privileged I am to have such an amazing opportunity like this, and it’s always been my intention to be as transparent as possible about my experience.
So how is 2022 going so far? Well, as anyone with a father enamored by Clint Eastwood movies would do, I’ll break it down by the good, the bad, and the ugly. Keep reading for an honest look back at the past six months, as well as my responses to your top questions!
The Good
Let’s start with the wins, because I have never felt more personally fulfilled than I have this year. When you're wracked with guilt about taking time off while so many people are struggling to stay afloat, it’s easy to downplay the positives.
But it’s important to lean into gratitude, so here’s what I’m most thankful for:
Never needing to set an alarm clock
Being in complete control of my time
Spending my days doing what I love most
Not feeling the pressure to monetize my creativity
Having people around me who prioritize my wellbeing
By saying “no” to a life that wasn’t suited for me, I’ve been able to say “yes” to what I value above all else: my relationships and my writing. I am not a spiritual person and don’t give credence to manifestation or the law of attraction, but I have found that the more I put into those areas of my life, the more connections I make and the opportunities I receive as a result of that nurturing.
The Bad
That said, life is certainly not rainbows and butterflies all the time. Even if I don’t have to stress about making ends meet without full-time work, there are plenty of downsides to exiting the workforce for an extended period of time.
Here are just a few things I’ve had to grapple with:
Re-evaluating my identity outside of my occupation
Fretting about the volatility of the tech industry and stock market
Drawing down savings and temporarily sacrificing retirement contributions
Navigating healthcare not sponsored by an employer
Going days without talking to anyone but my husband and my cats
It’s worth noting that all of these downsides can still exist when you’re gainfully employed, so there’s no way to ensure a worry-free life. However, even if no job is perfectly secure or stable, knowing you’ve got a regular paycheck coming for the foreseeable future is a powerful sense of comfort. I may not see myself as an entrepreneur, but I’ve learned that going your own way isn’t for the faint of heart.
The Ugly
The saddest part of this origin story of why I took the year off is that I would never have entertained the idea if my mental health was in a good place. When your anxiety and depression are so debilitating that you’re willing to make them disappear through any means necessary, quitting your job isn’t a celebration—it’s a medical intervention.
I’m so grateful that resigning was the remedy I needed and that I have access to health professionals and treatments to help me stabilize. But as quick as I am to blame capitalism for all of my problems, I have to gently remind myself that only I can take action to solve them.
As a highly anxious individual, I’ve keenly discovered that even if you remove one perceived thorn in your side (like your job), your brain will draw attention to others (your creative work, appearance, family dynamics, even the enrichment of your pets) to keep itself in a hypervigilant, worried state.
Your mind isn’t trying to make you miserable, but if left unchecked, that’s exactly what it will do as it attempts to exert control over all embodiments of chaos, no matter how small. For me, the keys to coping range from everyday essentials, like deep breathing and plenty of sleep, to expert assistance, like cognitive behavioral therapy and psychiatry, as well as neuromuscular massage and masseter Botox for my stress-induced TMJ disorder.
Things may have gotten ugly enough for me to require a dramatic life change, but there’s nothing ugly about getting the help you need. If taking a sabbatical taught me to finally listen to my body and trust myself, then it was the best decision I could have made.
Answering Your Top 5 Questions
In preparation for this blog post, I asked my social media followers and newsletter subscribers to send their burning questions about writing, freelancing, or taking time off. Here are the top five questions I received, so let’s jump right in!
1. How do you structure your time and stick to a schedule?
This year has certainly been an experiment in time management, but there have been a few tools that have kept me structured:
I track my time using Toggl
I maintain to-do lists, an editorial calendar, and client projects in Asana
I hold myself accountable for my weekly writing goals with a Trello board I share with my editor
Thanks to Toggl, I’ve learned that I work approximately 20 hours per week, typically between 10 a.m. - noon and 2 - 4 p.m. The rest of the time, I'm reading, listening to podcasts, baking, volunteering, connecting with friends, and relaxing. It’s not a breakneck schedule, and that’s entirely the point.
Many indie authors pride themselves on publishing novels every few months, and while I am learning how to draft and revise faster with each novel, I also set the intention that I don’t want to turn my creativity into a bad boss. I quit my job to achieve more balance, so it would be downright counterintuitive to spend every waking moment trying to “maximize” my productivity. I am not a robot, and my life now reflects that.
2. What are the hobbies that lift you up in your downtime?
I adore this question because we should all be encouraged to talk less about our work and more about our hobbies! Reading and writing are all about being in my head, so I prefer hobbies that involve using my hands.
Here’s what I love to do in my downtime:
Improving my baking skills (I’m currently working my way through Claire Saffitz’s Dessert Person)
Doing jigsaw puzzles (did you know that LEGO sells more than bricks?)
Solving ColorKu games (aka Sudoku with wooden marbles)
Volunteering at my local cat rescue, Cat Town
3. Do you miss any part of working full-time?
I’m a natural introvert, but I do miss the built-in community that comes with full-time work. For most people, work takes up the vast majority of your time, so even though your colleagues aren’t your family, they become a big part of your daily life. I have work friends that have become best friends, and that type of connection is more difficult to foster as a freelancer.
However, working remotely is the bigger culprit behind killing a sense of community at the office, regardless of the number of hours clocked. And part of that is a good thing, because you should not be codependently attached to your job!
I’m not at all advocating a strict return-to-office movement, but when you work from home, it’s expected that you get proactive about making connections with other people. It may be more of an effort, but it’s worth it.
4. Do you ever feel afraid of not having a guaranteed source of income?
First off, as LinkedIn keeps a running list of layoffs and pundits debate whether we’re in a recession, you only have to look around to see that no source of income is guaranteed.
However, I would never deny that I’m in an extremely privileged financial position:
My husband owns our home and makes enough money to support us both
We don’t have children or other caretaking responsibilities
We don’t have any consumer debt, and my student loans have long been paid off
I also had the opportunity to sell some stock options, which gave me a significant payout
I am able to take on a select number of marketing clients to keep my resume fresh
I work in tech, which is a competitive market, so my skills are in constant demand when I’m ready to return to full-time work
Trust me when I say that I have often muttered the words “must be nice” when I heard about how creative professionals are able to support themselves, so it is bizarre to be on the other end of it. But nobody is self-made, and I have had a metric ton of help—both now and up until this point. Had I been single and not been in such secure circumstances, I would have been rightfully too afraid to take the risk of leaving my job.
Being afraid with all these safety nets in place, however, would have been irrational, and I am thankful to my support system for giving me the courage I needed to make it happen.
5. Are you closer to publishing your novel?
I sure hope so! While I know that self-publishing is always an option, it’s a dream of mine to be traditionally published. I finished my second novel in early July and am painstakingly waiting to hear back from literary agents—a process that’s fondly and not-so-fondly referred to as the “query trenches.”
I’ll continue pitching agents in batches until I land a taker or exhaust my options. But you only need one “yes,” so keep your fingers crossed for me! You can subscribe to be the first to know any updates on my path to publication.
Entering August and Beyond
They always say the best is yet to come, but it’s ok to admit that right now is pretty damn sweet, too. I hope this check-in was enlightening on what the past six months have been like, and I will certainly keep you posted on everything that comes my way. Now that my second novel is done, I’ll be riding the rollercoaster all over again! My plan is to have my third novel completed by the end of 2022—and I already have a research trip later in the year to look forward to.
In the meantime, stay tuned for more blog posts on my writing process, favorite tools, and reflections on working for a decade in Silicon Valley. Got other topics you’d love for me to discuss? Comment below with your ideas!