Imposter Syndrome Is a Scam
And why I'm done falling for it
Before I jump into my latest hot takes, I have updates on upcoming events!
First up, join me and author Frederick Smith on Tuesday, Feb. 18, at Books Inc. in Alameda for the Kiss & Tell Literary Salon.
This month’s theme is “Romance by the Bay,” and we’ll be doing a reading and Q&A. This event is free to attend, and there will be snacks, so come stop by!
And if you’re in SoCal and love romance books, there’s a Valentine’s Day sale for the Love & Devotion convention in Burbank. I’ll be there with 90+ other authors signing books and passing out swag.
Use the coupon code CUPID from now until Feb. 16 to save $20 off a Gold or Silver VIP ticket.
With those updates out of the way, now it’s time to dive into today’s juicy topic. Last week I was a panelist at the San Francisco Writers Conference, speaking in the self-publishing track about everything indie authors need to know to publish their books and build a legitimate business.
As a content marketer in the tech industry, I have participated in numerous webinars and events, so I have no issues with public speaking. But this was my first speaking opportunity on stage as an author, so I was anticipating some feelings of inadequacy to surface.
What I was not expecting, however, was a huge surge of confidence. It’s been nine months since publishing my debut novel, and I can honestly say this was the first time I believed the following statements:
I deserve to be here.
I’m damn good at what I do.
And I’m immensely proud of what I’ve accomplished.
Those aren’t affirmations. Those are facts. If you’re struggling with internalizing those facts for yourself, then keep reading for the three reasons why I think imposter syndrome is a scam—and how I’m no longer holding myself back with self-doubt.
Buckle up!
Why Imposter Syndrome Is Fake News
1. What you’re actually feeling is alienation
I’m not going to gaslight you and tell you that your feelings of being an outsider aren’t real. They probably are real—but not because there’s anything wrong with you. You feel like an outsider and a fraud because society at large has made you feel that way.
This is especially true for indie authors. Because we don’t have the institutional validation that a Big 5 publisher can offer, there are tangible ways we’re alienated from the industry.
There are awards I can’t win, events I won’t be invited to, bookstores that won’t stock me, and publications that won’t give me the time of day because I’m self-published.
This is short-sighted on their part—especially in romance, where the entire genre is propped up by indie authors. But hey, I get it. Gatekeeping is the easiest way to make someone feel special and important.
Is it any surprise that the people who suffer from imposter syndrome the most are those in marginalized groups? They’re called marginalized because they’re literally being marginalized.
This fantastic essay by Harvard Business Review, “Stop Telling Women They Have Imposter Syndrome,” puts it best:
Imposter syndrome puts the blame on individuals, without accounting for the historical and cultural contexts that are foundational to how it manifests in both women of color and white women.
Alienation is the point. If you feel like you don’t deserve your achievements, that’s because those at the top have purposely underestimated you. Regardless of what anyone says, you do have power, so don’t give it up without a fight.
Indie authors have to work 10x as hard (and spend 100x more money) than their traditionally published counterparts to be seen as credible. But you are worthy of respect—you don’t have to earn it.
If you’re not given a seat at the table, bring your own and demand they make room. Go embody the confidence of a mediocre white man and act like you own the place.
As Nike declared in their badass Super Bowl ad:
Whatever you do, you can’t win. So win.
2. Pride isn’t a deadly sin
There are countless morality tales warning against pride and ambition, from Icarus flying too close to the sun to the Christian fundamentalist cults telling women to keep sweet.
It’s no wonder we’ve absorbed the idea that it’s bad to be proud of your accomplishments.
That’s why it was so refreshing to hear Olympic rugby player Ilona Maher completely reject the notion of imposter syndrome.
I can’t tell you how healing it is to hear a woman at the top of her game say, “It’s okay to be proud of what you’ve done. It’s okay to believe you deserve something because you’ve put in the work for it.”
That’s exactly how I felt at the SF Writers Conference. I had a life-changing moment with the on-site bookseller, who told me they were surprised my books were self-published because they met every single criteria they look for when stocking inventory.
Thanks to my market research and my brother’s design skills, my books were indistinguishable from those with bigger publishers and bigger budgets. And at the end of the conference, I practically sold out of my debut novel, only taking two copies home after the bookseller decided to save another handful for their store.
Hearing how impressed that bookseller was with my work made everything click into place: I worked extremely hard for years on end to get to this point, and I am outrageously proud of the business I have built. I’m not ashamed to admit that.
3. You are already a success story
What’s great about being loud and proud about your wins is that there are no restrictions on what “counts” as a win.
Did you hit 100 social media followers? That’s a win!
Did someone give you a 5-star review? That’s a win!
Did you put pen to paper and come up with a few new sentences? That’s a win!
I am always upfront about my track record. I may not be an award-winning, bestselling, or even profitable author (yet), but that doesn’t negate all that I have accomplished.
It doesn’t matter if your Amazon rankings are abysmally low. Someone out there is amazed that you did the thing and completed a major goal. No matter where you are in your life, I’m sure you’ve experienced successes that most people have only dreamed of.
And even if you haven’t, how exciting is it to be just getting started? As long as you’re relentlessly pursuing your greatest goals and passions in life, you are a triumph to everyone around you.
Don’t wait to bust open that champagne bottle for some elusive, out-of-reach milestone. Pop that cork and celebrate today.
Let’s Hype Each Other Up
I hope this article has encouraged you to revel in your own awesomeness and inspired you to keep going, no matter what.
We can all use some extra recognition, so please do me a favor and share something going on in your life that you’re proud of. Let’s give each other a virtual high-five and celebrate our wins!
Your Moment of Sunshine ☀️
Every month, I share the things I loved most to bring a ray of warmth wherever you are.
(Note: All links, where available, lead to Bookshop.org. If you make a purchase, you’ll support local, independent bookstores, and I’ll earn a small commission as an affiliate. It’s a win-win!)
Reading 📖
Fangirl Down by Tessa Bailey
Ever since I read It Happened One Summer, I have been on the hunt for a Tessa Bailey book that tops it. I’d say right now Fangirl Down easily earns second place.
Only Tessa Bailey could take an un-sexy sport like golf and turn it into the hottest backdrop imaginable. This romance is sweet and oh-so-spicy, and I was thoroughly entertained from the very first page.
I also appreciated its theme of not being a “fair-weather fan” who only shows support when times are good. True love is standing by your partner for better or worse. And reading Fangirl Down was definitely the best of times.
Watching 🍿
Paradise on Hulu and Disney+
When my husband started watching Paradise, about a Secret Service agent who discovers the president’s been murdered, I thought, “Oh, this is good.”
But by the end of the first episode, I was screaming, “OH, THIS IS GOOD.”
Without spoiling anything, Paradise has the best plot twist I’ve seen in a long time. This show is like if House of Cards, Severance, and Silo all had a baby, and it will keep you on the edge of your seat.
Don’t do any research. Just watch it. And then message me and tell me how right I am!
Listening 🎧
Point North
There are a lot of predictable things about me, but when it comes to music, you can bet I’m listening to pop punk. Recently, I’ve been enjoying Point North, an LA band formed in 2017.
I was first introduced to Point North through singles like “Ghost in My Home.” Since then, I’ve enjoyed their collaborations with artists, including Set It Off and Kellin Quinn.
If you can’t get enough emo nostalgia, Point North will point you in the right direction.
What else should I be reading, watching, and listening to? Leave your recommendations in the comments!
Adore this. What an uplifting post!
I often tell my fellow indie romance author friends that the reason we sometimes feel like imposters—or like we’re getting away with something—is because we often exist in IRL spaces where not many people do what we do or entrepreneur the way we do.
On top of that, we’re off the outline that the system we were born into created for our demographic. Instead of working perfectly nice (but usu. non-creative) jobs with corporate health insurance (if we're lucky) and a schedule, sick days, and vacation time dictated by some corporate overlord, we’re doing… this.
Of course, that's going to make us feel some kind of way.
I loved this post for the reminder that we’re awesome at what we do, and there’s no shame in planting ourselves in that truth while we continue to grow.
Seriously, thank you.
2025 is the year to channel the confidence of Ilona Maher because we deserve this!